“Sorry” — This One Word Is Making You Look Weak at Work
🍪 And no, Zac didn’t say it. He never does. And somehow, he’s thriving.
I used to think “sorry” was just good manners.
Someone holds the lift door? Say sorry.
You breathe too loud on Zoom? Say sorry.
You send a reminder email at 4:01pm? APOLOGISE IMMEDIATELY AND THEN ASCEND INTO THE FLOOR.
But one day, somewhere between my fifth "sorry for the delay" and realising I wasn't actually delayed, it hit me: I was apologising for doing my job — just, slightly less softly than society trained me to.
This wasn’t courtesy. This was programming.
🧠 Why We’re Addicted to Apologising
Science backs it up: women don’t say sorry more because we’re messier or more emotional — we say it more because we’re taught to notice when things might be uncomfortable, and then preemptively apologise for existing.
We’ve been raised to believe that being likable is more important than being right.
Which is why, early in my career, anytime I had to point out a mistake in a spreadsheet or ask a clarifying question, I’d lead with:
“Sorry, this might be a stupid question but…”
It wasn’t. It never was.
But I was scared of sounding rude, or like I thought I knew better — and God forbid I accidentally assert myself in a meeting.
Meanwhile Zac — whose PowerPoint slides routinely forget entire data sets — just shrugs and goes, “Bit of a morning,” and everyone nods respectfully like he’s just returned from war.
🪓 The Subtle Self-Sabotage of Saying Sorry
Here’s the kicker: saying “sorry” doesn’t just sound meek. It makes people believe you’re at fault, even when you’re not.
I once worked with a woman who apologised like it was punctuation.
“Sorry I’m late,” — even when she wasn’t.
“Sorry to follow up again,” — on tasks that were due two days ago.
She was excellent, meticulous, and weirdly always early, but her constant apologising painted her as hesitant and unreliable.
In a one-on-one, our manager casually said:
“I think I need someone more dependable. She’s always late.”
She wasn’t.
But she sounded like she was.
And that’s what stuck.
🧾 The “Sorry” Translator: What to Say Instead
Let’s rewire.
If you want to sound capable, not culpable — confident, not clingy — here’s your cheat sheet:
🕒 You were 3 minutes late
Don’t say: “Sorry I’m late!”
Say instead: “Thanks for waiting!”
🔁 You’re following up
Don’t say: “Sorry to chase this again…”
Say instead: “Circling back on this — any updates?”
❓ You’re asking for help
Don’t say: “Sorry if this is a dumb question”
Say instead: “Quick question — would love your take.”
🛑 You’re setting a boundary
Don’t say: “Sorry I can’t”
Say instead: “I’m not able to take this on right now.”
✅ You made a minor mistake (and fixed it)
Don’t say: “Sorry about that!”
Say instead: “This has been corrected — thanks for flagging.”
One of my favourite swaps?
I used to sign off client emails with “Sorry for the inconvenience” — like I had somehow personally ruined their day by reminding them to pay their invoice. Then one day, I paused and thought… wait, mate, you're literally just doing your job.
Now I go with:
“Thanks in advance!”
It lands better, gets replies faster, and feels like a tiny rebellion.
🧍♀️ It's Not Just a You Problem. It's a Gendered Reflex.
This isn’t a personality quirk — it’s a conditioned response.
We were trained to shrink ourselves preemptively, to make room for egos bigger than ours.
You think Zac’s out here apologising for missing the deadline? Please.
He waltzes in with a smoothie, drops “I’ll get to it,” and still gets invited to lead the next project.
And the workplace rewards that.
Because confidence reads as competence — even if it’s empty.
Apology reads as fault — even if it’s false.
✋ When Should You Actually Say Sorry?
Let’s not throw “sorry” into the bin entirely. Just... reserve it for actual wrongdoing.
✅ Missed a real, agreed-upon deadline without warning?
✅ CC’d the wrong “Karen” on a confidential thread?
✅ Forgot a meeting, disappeared for 3 days, and reemerged with “hope this helps”?
Sure. Say sorry.
But:
🚫 You needed a day to reply
🚫 You followed up on something that was due
🚫 You asked a valid question
🚫 You pointed out a mistake kindly
🚫 You dared to exist between the hours of 9am and 5pm?
Nope. Not today, sorry.
Wait—
No.
Not even that.
🧁 Cookie Butter Wrap-Up
Saying “sorry” used to feel safe.
Now I see it for what it is: a polite little self-own.
So the next time you’re about to type it, pause.
Ask: Am I actually at fault, or just female in a professional setting?
And if it’s the latter?
Say what you mean.
Drop the guilt.
And let Zac keep vibing — while you climb.
