🍵 Melbourne Part 2 - Espresso Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
Read Part 1 Here ➡️ Melbourne Part 1 : The First Sip is the Deepest
Still Day One. Still spiralling.
We are now entering the second wind phase — the part of the caffeine arc where common sense leaves the chat and I start treating coffee like a coping mechanism and a competitive sport.
In this stretch, I chase shadows through alleys, flirt with burnout, and stand outside cafés like it’s a pop-up Taylor Swift merch truck.
The drinks are still good. The judgment is fading.
The mission? Ongoing.
☕ Shop 4: Dukes
A golden-lettered finale to Day One, where the coffee hit hard and the payment terminal harder.
By the time I got to Dukes, I was on my sixth drink of the day. Sleep-deprived, slightly delirious, and emotionally compromised after a full day of Melbourne coffee highs and decaf betrayals.
This was my final pit stop before heading back to my hotel — and like all good finales, it came with a little drama.
The Scene
Tucked down an alleyway in Melbourne Central, Dukes Coffee Roasters practically glows.
Green and gold signage gleamed from across the pavement like it had won a Commonwealth medal in espresso. I stepped through the entrance, half-asleep, half-fascinated, and wholly ready to collapse.
Inside, the vibes were moody and elegant — dark wood, track lighting, pegboard menus lit up like stage cues. Coffee theatre at its finest.
But, of course, I immediately got in the wrong line. I stood there for what felt like eternity, waiting for someone to take my order… until I realised I had joined the pickup queue. No one said anything. No one corrected me. They just… watched.
Melbourne: 1. Me: 0.
The Transaction
After I finally made it to the correct register and gave my order, I went to tap my card on the Square terminal.
It didn’t work.
I tried again.
Still didn’t work.
The barista, bless him, attempted to reset the machine — you know, the classic IT move of "turn it off and on again." But no luck.
He reached under the counter for a backup.
That’s when it happened:
The spare Square terminal went flying.
Full airborne.
Crash-landed on the ground like a caffeinated missile.
We locked eyes in mutual horror.
Him: wondering if he still had a working payment system.
Me: wondering if this was a sign I’d had one coffee too many.
But eventually — through grit, perseverance, and one functioning terminal — we made it work.
The Coffee
I took my drink back to the hotel, plopped onto the bed, and took my first sip.
And let me tell you: she delivered.
Dark. Strong. Smooth.
Zero acidity. All body.
Cold and confident, like the espresso version of a silent brooding love interest.
Second place in the Melbourne ranking at that point (Patricia still reigned supreme, obviously).
The only thing missing?
A logo.
It was a generic white flat-top cup.
No “Dukes.” No gold. No flair.
I mean — this is a café with Olympic-calibre signage and a literal light show behind the menu, and the takeaway cup looks like it came from a Costco multipack.
Still. When the inside’s that good, maybe we can forgive the packaging.
(Maybe.)
Matcha Toast Memory
Mood: Tired, dazed, emotionally attached to espresso
Barista Energy: Chill, mildly cursed by technology, but recovered well
Cup Vibe: Minimalism to the point of heartbreak
Main Character Moment: A payment terminal took flight — what more do you want?
Unexpected Delight: Coffee that revived me from spreadsheet mode
Café Vibe: Moody, elegant, slightly intimidating — like Melbourne’s final boss
Matcha Leaves: 4/5 🍵
Final Sip
Dukes was the final chapter of Day One — and honestly? It ended on a high.
The coffee was everything I needed after a long day of caffeine-fuelled adventuring.
Even if the Square terminal nearly died for it.
Would I go back? Absolutely.
But I’ll bring cash next time… just in case.
Let’s sip. 🍵🥶
⟶ A new day. A fresh attempt at discipline. Just me, the market, and a cup waiting to be earned.
☕ Shop 5: Market Lane Coffee (QVM Dairy Hall)
A light-roasted escape through fishy aromas, foam cups, and 7AM market buzz.
It’s officially Day Two of my Melbourne café crusade — and let me just say, I was feeling fresh. I’d gone to bed at 8PM the night before (don’t @ me) and woke up at 4:30AM, fully alert, layered up, and ready to consume caffeine like a responsible adult on a mission.
At 7AM, I rolled up to Queen Victoria Market, tucked into my hoodie like a Brisbane girl who had no business braving 12-degree mornings.
But this was no ordinary market crawl.
This was a search for Market Lane Coffee — my very first stop of the day, my warm-up lap, my ✨ coffee starter ✨ before Fitzroy.
The Scene
You know that feeling when you turn a corner and smell seafood instead of espresso?
Yeah, that.
Nestled in the Dairy Hall, Market Lane was giving "melbourne's freshest fish meets caffeine fix" — which sounds awful, but somehow… wasn’t?
There was something about the contrast of smells, the warm orange glow of bakery lights, the chorus of vendors shouting “hot cross buns!” and “wanna try my cannoli?” that felt kinda magical.
And then I saw it:
Black sign. Gold writing. Market Lane Coffee.
Tucked discreetly into a corner like it wasn’t the entire reason I was there.
Excitement surged.
The Ritual
The barista was lovely — no questions, no judgment, just efficient vibes and strong pour-over energy.
He retreated behind the machine setup, stepping under a row of three hanging pendant lights that formed a makeshift halo above his head.
It gave "this is the protagonist of your film" energy.
The moment the camera focuses and the soft indie background track kicks in.
He was dressed in black. The machine was black. The grinder was black.
The light spotlighted them all like a moody editorial shoot for Barista Monthly.
I was transfixed.
The Coffee
Served in a soft white takeaway cup with bold MARKET LANE COFFEE lettering in all caps.
Light roast. Clean finish. Not acidic, not overpowering.
Balanced and gentle — like the kind of coffee that won’t interrupt your thoughts but adds a pleasant soundtrack to your morning.
The contrast between the coolness of the cup and the crisp morning air felt like a scene out of a travel montage.
I sipped it while wandering the market — eyes darting between bins of fresh capsicum, handmade candles, mysterious purple cabbages, and someone aggressively selling cheese samples at 7:45AM.
The Vibe
There’s something magical about watching a city wake up while you clutch something warm in your hands.
Especially when your last flashback to Melbourne markets was from a trip to Barcelona, eating dark chocolate and haggling over caviar. This time?
Coffee. Oranges. Chestnuts.
Yes — chestnuts.
I found a street vendor roasting them fresh. I asked for two, not a whole bag.
He peeled them for me. For free.
Soft, warm, just roasted — the perfect accompaniment to my coffee stroll.
Matcha Toast Memory
Mood: Calm, caffeinated, vibing with early morning energy
Barista Energy: Focused, glowing under lights like a coffee deity
Cup Vibe: Simple, clean, bold font — a humble flex
Main Character Moment: Wandering a bustling market with a chestnut in one hand and a decaf in the other? Cinema.
Unexpected Delight: That exact moment when the seafood stench faded and the caffeine kicked in
Café Vibe: Humble yet confident — like the friend who always wins trivia without trying
Matcha Leaves: 4/5 🍵
Final Sip
Market Lane at QVM was the kind of stop that sneaks up on you.
You don’t expect much — it’s tucked between seafood counters and pickle vendors — and yet it delivers a quiet moment of joy. The kind that sticks.
Would I return?
Yes.
If only to be humbled again by a barista glowing under mood lighting, making espresso magic before 8AM.
Let’s sip. 🍵🥶
⟶ The morning chill hit different. So did the line forming outside the next café.
☕ Shop 6: Seven Seeds
From roastery rush to caffeinated crush — a Melbourne morning done right.
If there’s one thing I love more than a café, it’s a café with a roaster attached.
Something about going straight to the source feels special — like I’m skipping the small talk and getting straight to the coffee truth.
So when I spotted Seven Seeds on my Melbourne map, I knew this was going to be my early morning highlight.
Except… they wouldn’t let us in.
The Pre-Coffee Cold Shoulder
Despite my enthusiastic arrival at 7:59AM, I was met with the steel gaze of Melbourne hospitality law:
“We open at 8.”
And I mean, 8:00 sharp.
Not 7:59. Not 7:59 and 45 seconds.
The doors stayed locked.
The staff stood behind the glass.
The crowd outside shuffled, hopeful.
But the door?
Unmoved.
It was like a Black Friday sale, but instead of TVs, we were all vying for a cup of single origin.
The Scene
When the clock finally struck 8, they let us in like gatekeepers of a sacred space.
And honestly? It felt like we were entering the temple of Melbourne caffeine.
High ceilings. Soft lighting. Gold signage on rich green walls.
It was giving "Australian Olympic team, but make it barista."
Everywhere I looked, there were shelves of branded merch:
Chilli oil. Bottled syrups. Graphic tees.
Melbourne café culture isn’t just drinks — it’s a lifestyle brand.
(Meanwhile in Brisbane, we're just out here selling beans and, if you're fancy, a branded cup.)
The Ritual
When I got to the counter, the barista was friendly enough. Took my decaf order with no issue — no snobbery, no side-eye.
But then... he disappeared.
For a good five minutes.
What happened back there?
Was he communing with the beans?
Taking a moment to reflect?
Wrestling the espresso gods?
I don’t know. And I didn’t ask.
Because when he finally returned and handed me the drink —
it was worth the wait.
The Coffee
Strong. Cold. Bold. A decaf that came for my soul and wrapped it in a caffeine-free hug.
Smooth and full-bodied — the kind that makes you think, “maybe I am a Melbourne girlie now.”
It officially bumped Dukes down a notch to claim #2 in my coffee power ranking. (Patricia still reigns supreme.)
But now, let’s talk about the one thing that wasn’t elite:
The cup.
I know it’s shallow. I know it's what's inside that counts.
But for a roastery with such impeccable branding — the gorgeous neon signs! The product displays! The merch! — I expected a cup to match.
Instead?
A plain, eco, compostable takeaway cup.
Zero logo. Zero vibe. Costco could’ve made it.
Tragic.
Matcha Toast Memory
Mood: Determined and mildly frostbitten
Barista Energy: Calm, mysterious, possibly moonlights as a magician
Cup Vibe: Looks like nothing, drinks like everything
Main Character Moment: Gaining access to the coffee vault at exactly 8AM? Elite
Unexpected Delight: Their bold branding — and my plans to shamelessly copy the neon cup lights
Café Vibe: Like walking into a Spotify lo-fi playlist that serves espresso
Matcha Leaves: 4.5/5 🍵
Final Sip
Seven Seeds proved that patience pays off.
The doors may open late. The cups may underwhelm.
But the coffee?
Delivers.
From the roasted beans to the roastery vibes, this was a Melbourne moment worth the mild emotional damage.
Next time, I’ll come back for the merch — and maybe ask what they’re doing back there for five minutes.
Let’s sip. 🍵🥶
💬Final Final Sip — Part 2
I told myself I’d slow down, but Melbourne said “cute” — and served me another.
